Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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