Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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