hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
