remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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