Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
