Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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