Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
