Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
