remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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