nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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