My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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