Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
