All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
