Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
