Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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