He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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