I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
