Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
