We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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