My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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