There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
