Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
