using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
