i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
