His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
