Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
