ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
