fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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