WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
