you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We are all done wearing pants today
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
