there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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