I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
