My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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