I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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