Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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