just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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