Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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