We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
