I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
