Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
