Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
