Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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