Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
