God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
