I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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