Can i not drive my cunt home
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
