She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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