Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My penis needs a shock collar
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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