Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
