GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
